Valuing You
by KareKazeshini
Summary: Sam wants to know why Cas tried to rescue him from the pit. Takes place during the episode 8x22.


**Note:** This should take place during the episode 8x22, at the bunker, after the "I am getting better and you're getting worse" conversation. Let's pretend Dean took a lot longer to come with the half-drunk beer and three peanut-butter cups.

**Valuing you**

Sam kept going through the files, in search of information on how to cure a demon. He took a mental note to talk to Dean about the 'weird' followed by three exclamation and then he stole a glance at Cas, who was sitting and looking around the room, as his thumbs wrestled with each other.

"Hey Cas," he called softly. The angel shifted his eyes from looking at the ceiling to rest them on Sam. Sam cleared his throat. "Humm… I guess I never had the opportunity to ask you this but… Why… why did you try to rescue me from the pit?"

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows in slight confusion.

"Well, because I thought I could," he answered matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, but… even if you thought you could, wouldn't it be too risky?"

"Sam, I was convinced there was a possibility of me getting you out of there. At having even the slightest chance, I couldn't leave you there."

"Why?"

There was something in Sam's weak voice that made Cas's face soften in sadness and fondness.

"Sam, you are my friend. I told Lucifer I wouldn't let him take you. I failed. And in that moment, after being brought back and having my powers back, I knew the least I could do was not let him have you for the rest of eternity. You did not deserve to go to hell, much less to be confined to the same space as two angry archangels."

The hunter's lips turned up in an unsure and quick movement, in what could be said to be an attempted smile, but ended up looking more like a grimace.

"After being there myself, I don't think even I deserved to go there."

"Then why are you asking me this? Isn't it obvious?"

"It's just… After I made Dean promise that he wouldn't try to bring me back, I never thought anyone else would try, you know?"

"You thought Dean was the only who loved you?" the confused look was back on Castiel's face.

"No… I thought Dean was the only who wouldn't have enough sense to overcome his protectiveness of me. And it's not that I didn't want to be brought back, I was just so afraid that if he tried, he could bring Lucifer along with me. Bobby knew better than that."

Behind the tiredness, Cas was able to make out a note of affection when the younger Winchester talked about his brother and Bobby.

"Did you think I knew better too?"

Sam let out a humorless chuckle.

"To be honest, I thought you didn't even care enough… to do something that crazy."

Castiel was becoming more accustomed to the meaning of 'feeling your heart shatter' and this was one of the moments that reminded him that he understood the meaning of that expression almost perfectly.

"Oh Sam," he could almost hear his own voice break. "Of course I –"

"I'm glad I was wrong," Sam cut him off. This time, though frail, there was a genuine smile on his face. "I never thanked you properly. So thank you, Cas. I mean it."

"I still failed. I failed to rescue the most important part of you." The angel did not understand. He didn't fully understand why he was being thanked.

"It doesn't matter. You tried. No one asked you to. No one gave you an order. You were risking your own life and you still tried. If there hadn't been a soulless me here, then maybe Dean would have never gotten the determination to get my soul back. I was a bit of a jerk when you first told me that you had raised me from perdition," Sam still found it amusing that Castiel uses that expression, "so I wanted to thank you properly now."

Sam locked eyes with Castiel for a few seconds, a slight smile still on his lips and then he turned back to the files in front of him.

The angel stayed silent. He wasn't sure what to say. There was a funny, warm feeling in his chest and Castiel realized why. It was nice to be appreciated even in his failures. He kind of wanted to thank Sam for thanking him, but he guessed it wouldn't make much sense. However there was something else bothering him.

"When I told that I was the one who raised you from perdition, did you really think what you said?"

Sam raised his eyes from the files, took a deep breath and then he looked back at Cas with an apologetic expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I'm sorry I doubted you. Even if just for a second."

"It's okay, Sam." It still hurt a bit to remember Sam's reaction when he had finally shared that he had be the one to raise him from perdition. But he wasn't in need of apologies.

"It's not okay!" the Winchester raised his voice, which resulted in a coughing fit. It was short, but Cas still hated seeing the hunter in such a weakened state of health, and not being able to help. "It's not okay. You tried to help me and I rewarded you with doubt."

Sam still remembered the hurt he had seen in Cas's eyes.

"When you said it… I felt so overwhelmed that you would do such a thing for me that…" Sam looked back down, feeling ashamed, "that I ended up getting afraid… that you might have brought me back soulless on purpose, because it made me a more efficient hunter, for the sake of your plan. It was a momentary doubt, and right after I voiced it, I realized it was also very stupid. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I said."

Sam's words made Castiel feel better and worse. They sounded as if the reason behind Sam's doubt wasn't because he saw Cas's character as diminished, but rather because he didn't value himself enough.

"Don't apologize. If it makes you feel better, maybe you should know I raised you from perdition a considerable amount of time before I came in contact with Crowley."

Sam chuckled.

"I believe you, Cas."

They fell into silence once again. Then the angel started shifting his chair closer to Sam. The hunter looked up, curious by all the noise. When Cas was satisfied by the reduced distance between their chairs, he stopped. He stretched his arm forward and rested his hand on top of Sam's.

"I value you, Sam."

And Sam smiled. And this time even his eyes were smiling and the tiredness and illness seemed to faintly vanish. He squeezed Cas's hand.

"I value you too, Cas."

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The end

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(And then they had sex on the table. No, they didn't. Well, if you want to think they did, then they did.)

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**A thank you note** to jaredpadaleckishands aka The Hark-ness monster here on ff, for offering to beta this for me. (◡‿◡✿) You are awesome!


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